Why can we not be sober?

When it comes down to it, most everyone has some kind of vice. Some worse than others, some not so bad.

Some people do the hard shit because they had the balls to try it one day and – surprise  shit like meth and heroin is absurdly addictive because it’s literally the best thing you’ve ever felt. Like… by far. And there’s nothing unpleasant about the shit while you’re on it because your brain is drowning in dopamine. People don’t turn into tweakers immediately after railing some dope. You don’t pick at your face until you have obnoxious bleeding wounds everywhere if you’re only banging a teenth of meth every other weekend.

But then if you’re bangin’ seven gram rocks and finishing ’em for months on end, smoking a bowl of some medical grade Kush probably isn’t going to have the same zing it had before the, uh, crank. 

I’m getting sidetracked. Weed is pretty fucking good in a lot of ways, thus it’s an increasingly acceptable vice — or medication even, because it literally has actual medicinal value with virtually no negative side effects. People are going to think you’re a fuckup if you get out of bed and chief blunts until you pass out at 4am every day, but that guy at least has his shit together enough to have a studio apartment and a ’92 Honda. Unlike the meth guy, who’ll inevitably suck dick for meth somewhere down the line.

What I’m shittily transitioning to with no segway is this: why the fuck is sobriety so dull and unfavorable that everyone has to pump chemicals – be it caffeine or codeine or everything in between – into their bodies to be content with life?

Most people from the developed world are a slave to some kind of mind-altering substance. White trash warehouse workers like myself drink Mountain Dew and Redbull by the gallon and breathe in more cigarette smoke than oxygen on a typical day. Most working class people go to the bar when they get off in the afternoon, or maybe pick up a 12-pack on the way home. There’s always the stoner crowd, no matter where you go. Kids who can’t get their hands on real drugs huff duster or chug robotussin to catch a buzz that would give legit dope a run for its money. The kind of people who are on a salary are the kind of people who can afford a cocaine addiction, and what better to go with some powder than some top-shelf booze?

It’s true that drugs and alcohol aren’t for everyone; there’s people who swear they’ll never touch the stuff — and they actually don’t, and there’ll always be recovered addicts who’ve had enough toxins flow through their veins for one lifetime. But then again there’s a whole shitload more of people who smoke, drink, snort, shoot up and boof all sorts of shit to hit the mute button on all of life’s bullshit, even if it’s only for a few hours at a time… or maybe a few days… or weeks.

We all know how bad it is for you but for most people, self destruction is a fair price to pay for dirty happiness – and that’s really all anyone is looking for right? 

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